Graduation Speech

Graduation has come and gone in a flash. I’m torn on whether I’m resentful or amused that it rained during graduation and the microphone shorted out. Something about it is uniquely Oglethorpe. 🙂

Some people asked me to upload a transcript of my speech, so I have included it below. My family messed up with the camera during my actual delivery (probably because it started downpouring), so if anyone has a recording of the actual delivery on graduation day, I would be very appreciative if you could find a way to make me a copy–that is, unless it was painful to listen to.

Here’s my transcript–please pardon any typos, as it was originally just for my eyes:

For me, and possibly for you, this ceremony is filled with many emotions, like a strange mixture of excitement and anxiety about the future and nostalgia for our past four years here at Oglethorpe. But, though many emotions are associated with graduation, there are two emotions that stand out most to me: pride and gratitude.

Pride almost goes without saying. During our time at Oglethorpe, each one of us pushed ourselves to succeed. Yes, there might have been external pressure from our families or professors, but ultimately, it was each of us, not our family members or professors, that typed each of those sometimes painful core papers about Arsistotle, even if occasionally that paper was hurriedly written at 4 am. The end result was the same: we got the work done well enough for Oglethorpe to recognize our achievement with the diplomas that are about to be in each of our hands, and to me, that is reason enough to feel proud of our accomplishment.

Yet, in addition to our academic accomplishments, we have all shown admirable perseverance in the past four or so years. Though each of us have likely had personal hardships that we had to overcome to get here today, our class specifically is bound together by a collective tribulation. As president Schall already said, there is one petrel missing today. Last year when our classmate and friend, Erik, passed away, a deep sorrow hit our campus. Instead of crumbling under our grief, we preserved because we created a community that is both resilient and compassionate. A community that, during the hard times, let people grieve freely and empathically listened to their pain, and a community that, during the many wonderful times, included everyone–in every Halloween party, every Boxer Rebellion, every Boar’s Head, every Stomp the Lawn, and every other moment of celebration on our campus. Receiving our diplomas today symbolizes more than just our dedication to our coursework; it also represents our inner strength and our commitment to our fellow petrels, and that commitment to each other, more than anything else, is why we deserve to feel proud of ourselves.

As we reflect on our personal accomplishments, I think that it is important that we qualify our pride with gratitude for the role that other people had in our success. In the past four years, each of us was helped by someone, whether it was our parents, our friends, our professors, or the guy in Narratives who lent you his notes on the Odyssey that one time. Without the aid of other people, none of us would be here. Though earning our diplomas required hard work from each of us, it was the kindness and selflessness of others that allowed our diligence to pay off. For that reason, I think that today should also be a day to reflect gratefully on all of the people outside and inside our Oglefamily–our peers, our staff members, and our professors– that have selflessly given of themselves, so we could make it to where we are today.

And it is my hope that these two emotions carry with us into the next phase our lives. I hope that the pride of our degree keeps each of us confident in whatever challenges lie ahead of us out of our Oglebubble, as we’ve already demonstrated our diligence and sense of community ten times over. And my last hope is that our gratitude prevents our pride from deforming into arrogance, so that we never overestimate our role in our successes at the expense of forgetting others’ contributions. By always staying confident in our abilities while still appreciatively acknowledging the help that we received from others, we will be well on our way to making a life, making a living, and making a difference.

And with that, I hope that you (with an underlined OU) have a wonderful day filled with pride for our diplomas and the community that we created and a day filled with gratitude for all of the wonderful people that made both of those accomplishments a reality. Thank you.

Wonderful

After yesterday’s panicked and melodramatic post, I’m happy to write that today was wonderful!

It started with my last SGA meeting sitting next to Ms. Waltrip of the programs. Though there were some frustrating moments on SGA, I really loved getting to hear all of campus happenings and have a voice in what events occurred on our campus.

Other than being the last meeting, this one was particularly enjoyable because my final proposal passed unanimously! Seniors will now get to enjoy a senior fiesta on the Monday of senior week and Cafe Intermezzo cake on that Tuesday! I’m so excited for both events, and I hope that, if it goes well, senior fiesta becomes a new OU tradition.

After the meeting, I turned in the latest donations to the senior campaign–amongst the 26 seniors who’ve donated, we’ve raised over $300! Fingers are tightly crossed that we’ll reach the 100 senior marker by graduation.

Next, there were Psi Chi inductions, and I am so excited for next year’s officers. Julia will make a wonderful president, and the rest of her team is wonderful as well. Of all my positions, I wish that I had done more with my position as Psi Chi president, but in the grand scheme of college, that’s fine. After inductions, Brittany and I had a heart-to-heart in her car–I really appreciate my talks with her. Even if it’s a spontaneous 15 minute chat in her car outside of Dempsey, it’s always refreshing to talk with my surprise friend.

Next, I went to Janet’s room during her girl night and played Mafia with her, Jade, Duckie, Audrey, Bethany, Brooke, Marie, and Marisa. We had a hilarious time, even though I was acting utterly ridiculous.

Then I ended my night working on my Ptolemaic and Kepler models of the solar system for my extra credit assignment. Janet helped me at the end, which was nice because it reminded both of us of one of the first times that we hung out together. It was in my room last year, and she helped me make a shirt for Get Active Oglethorpe! And it was one hell of a shirt because I had over 35 people come to that class!

Sadly, these solar systems look much more homemade than the shirt—probably because I did 95% of the construction them. Regardless, it’s much more enjoyable making them than writing a paper, and now they’re mostly done.

And now, I sleep! No melodrama today, and Future Justin, remember that your college life was not constant angst, even if your blogs might suggest that at times. It’s simply that you take more time to process the unpleasant whereas you simply enjoy the awesome, fun times without taking the time to write about them. Maybe that should change, but that’s a thought for another day!

May 13th

I finished my final paper of my college career yesterday. I wish that it had been about psychology, so it could have represented a culmination of all my psychological knowledge and writing skills that I have gained since Oglethorpe. Alas, it was about the role of speculation and precision in modern cosmology. You win some and lose some, eh?

In addition to writing that paper, I’ve been fighting off an undercurrent of anxiety about my soon to be unemployment. As I’ve told some people, it’s okay not to have a job when you’re in college because you can check the “student” box; however, after May 12th, graduation, I’ll be checking the “unemployed” box instead. Much less attractive sounding than student.

In fact, as of now, May 13th is such a dreaded date that it might as well be the end of the Mayan calendar. What the hell am I going to be doing next? During this year, I’ve mentally moved myself to Seattle then Minneapolis then back to Atlanta then to New York City back to Minneapolis and back once again to Atlanta. Somedays, having no plan or set home is exhilarating; however, the closer it gets to graduation, the more that excitement transforms to panic. As much as people might extoll spontaneity, I think that having a plan makes us seem more adult to others–like we fit in with the grown ups. Right now, without any plan, I feel as if many of my peers are moving to sit with the grown ups while I’m stuck at the kid’s table.

And then there’s all the people that I want to make proud. My professors, my parents, my peers, myself. No one has told me that they are disappointed that I do not have a plan, but I am almost sure that they would feel proud if I did. In psychology terms, I want to give the people in my life the chance to BIRG, or bask in the reflective glory. Basically, BIRGing is where people align themselves with successful people because it makes them feel better. Ideally, I want that impressive, ambitious next step to launching my career and ability to help others with my knowledge of psychology; however, right now, I’ve been humbled into searching for any step. The BIRGing will have to be put off for another day.

On that note, one of the hardest things about not having a plan is because I feel as if I have been successful at Oglethorpe academically and socially. Here, I’ve given people in my life the chance to BIRG. As much as I hate to admit it, I am afraid of being some has-been who constantly relives his college days because he was never as impressive afterwards. Of course, I understand that, even without knowing my next step, my life is far from a lost cause, but this nagging fear creeps up on me every now and then. As May 13th approaches, I realize more and more that being Lord Oglethorpe, four time winner of the drag show, and other on-campus accolades that I have acquired carry very little weight outside of the Oglebubble. Graduation won’t make these accomplishments disappear, but it will signal that it’s time for them to become memories and leave them with Oglethorpe. That transition is difficult, but it feels better than trying to abate my anxiety by reminding myself of my accomplishments on campus.

May 13th has many other emotions attached to it as well, but it will come and go like every other day before it. In the interim, I just need to keep pressing on and looking for a job and a meaningful next step for my life. This process won’t kill me, so it will all come together in one fashion or another.

Until that plan happens, I’ll admit that when other people mention that they have no clue what they’re doing, it makes me feel better. Not because they’re struggling, but because I know that I am not alone. As a final note, if any other panicked petrel or soon-to-be grad is reading this post, you now know that I have no clue what I am doing either, and we’re not alone.

Future Justin, it’s my hope that somehow you figured out all of this after graduation mess. If so, I can’t wait to meet you–and all of the wonderful people that are once again BIRGing by your side.

PF Changs and Resiliency

Tonight, Janet, Mom, and I went to PF Changs and had such a wonderful time. At dinner, I asked mom if she had read my blog post about graduate school, and she said that she had and even referred to Adler and his–as she put it–fictional fatalism. In typical mom fashion she said that it was a bit deep–to which Janet and I laughed.

Dinner was an amazing break. Just before arriving, Janet and I were feeling tense in general, but when the three of us were together, the tension melted. One reason that Janet was tense was because she lost the $50 gift card to PF Changs that my mom gave her for Christmas. When we saw Mom, I hugged her and whispered, “Janet cried on the way here–she feels horrible about losing the card.” Mom then hugged Janet and lightheartedly told her to never cry over something so stupid again and that dinner was on her. I admire my mom’s generosity.

During dinner, I had such a fun time joking with both of them. Our waiter kept passing by our table and not filling up our water. This normally wouldn’t be a problem except that much of the food was spicy. Then, the temperature of the restaurant suddenly cooled. To this, I melodramatically–but jokingly–said that I was a delicate winter’s rose, who needed to be taken care of. Mom and Janet looked at me and laughed–they know my tendency to be a bit over-the-top now and then.

Tonight was so lighthearted, and it was a beautiful remedy for earlier today. In fact, it’s so amazing how a fun outing can be a temporary escape from a bad day, and this day started badly. Today, Janet found out that her dad lost circulation in one of his legs, and the doctors are unsure if they will need to amputate it. Needless to say, this was hard news for anyone to bear, but my strong friend took it in strides. She even sat through a class lecture that, in cruel irony, focused on amputations.

And this event, when I think of it in terms of other events that happened this year, got me to start thinking. And as a head’s up, I guess this is where the blog takes the seemingly inevitable transition to the deep. Get the scuba gear ready, Mom.

Objectively, this past year has had the most sad things happen to either my friends or me. For me, not getting into grad school and going through a break up weren’t the most pleasant experiences, even if the experiences were far from traumatic. As for my friends, they have had more than their fair share of hardships–getting diagnosed with long-term illnesses, break ups, parents getting hospitalized, and so on.

And it makes me question the mantra that people love to tell gay people: “it gets better.” I wonder if life, objectively, does always get better. And though that might sound cynical, I don’t mean that wondering in a pessimistic way. Matter of fact, as we age, our bodies deteriorate, and all of our relationships will eventually end–whether it’s with death or growing apart.  Neither of those experiences seem particularly enjoyable.

With those and other examples in mind, I don’t think that, objectively, our lives continually “get better.” However, I–and quite a bit of research–do believe that people, on average, “get happier.” Though people tend to experience more hardships as they age, I think that the experiences make people stronger and more grateful. Whenever things seem to deteriorate, I can appreciate the good days so much more because I’ve seen what a genuinely bad day looks like. With all of the hardships that I see people around me experiencing, I’m filled with awe and optimism. Though there seems to be an unlimited potential for misery, there also seems to be a formidable amount of resilience to combat it. We can’t prevent all of the potential hardships, but many, if not all, people were blessed with the powerful ability to change our perspective and mindset.

I don’t know if there is an irreparable breaking point to the human spirit, but as an optimistic 22 year old, I want to say that, if this point does exist, then it’s rare and tragic to reach it. I hope that whenever life throws my loved ones a tribulation that I am clear-minded and available to help them, and I am confident that they will provide the same support when, inevitably, hardship finds me. It might not invariably keep getting better, but at least there’s always PF Changs if I need to come up for air.

And you were right, Mom. Even I’ll admit that this one got a little deep. 😉

Grad School Saga: Conclusion

I didn’t get into the University of Minnesota.

When I found out yesterday afternoon, I was disappointed but not broken. It’s funny–it seems as if I should feel much worse about not getting in, especially after how stressful this entire process was and much time it consumed from my final Ogledays and because I really, really wanted to get in.

But, it barely left a scratch. I emailed the woman that I want to work with if she plans on accepting students next year and what I can do to be more competitive. She quickly responded that getting more research experience would make me more competitive.

So, in the interim between now and resubmitting my application, I am going to do just that. That PhD isn’t going to go anywhere, so if it has to wait another year or even another, well, that’s just fine.

However, when I started this grad school process, not getting in wasn’t an option. There was a lot more pressure, and one man changed all of that.

His name was Alfred Adler.

Last semester in theories of personality, we discussed his concept of a fictional finalism. To Adler, a fictional finalism is how we make sense of the world–it’s basically the narrative that we create for ourselves. For instance, I will graduate with summa cum laude and then go to University of Minnesota for grad school and then meet the love of my life by age 30. Adler believed that this fictional finalism was good as long as it encouraged us to develop our social interest–that is, our ability to give back to others. However, he stressed that healthy people acknowledge that their fictional finalism is just that–it’s a fiction that we have made up. Neurotic people, in contrast, believe that all of their goals are nonfictional that must occur, and as a result, they get very stressed and discouraged when their ordained life plan is interrupted. Psychologically healthy people may get upset by setbacks, but they realize that all of their life goals are relative.

Now, I understand that Adler’s theory is more philosophical than scientific, so while I wouldn’t necessarily endorse an uncritical acceptance of his philosophy, I will say that it helped me. And for most of last semester, I was the neurotic person in this theory. Getting into grad school had to happen now–it was the next step in my life. And that mentality just added tons of pressure on me.

But then, with help from my family, Janet, and Adler, I realized that nothing would happen if I didn’t get in this year. The sky wouldn’t crash. People wouldn’t hate me. I didn’t have to lose my self-esteem. This PhD wasn’t going anywhere, and that was so liberating. It is inconvenient that I have to wait another year, but it is not the end of the world. Again, the immediacy of my acceptance of this rejection seems so odd after all the sharp anxiety that it caused me this year.

This is not the ending that I wanted to my grad school saga, of course. But it is fitting. Every time I think that my life has some problem, I find an adjective to live by that would fix the problem. I write that word and its definition down, so I can find ways to incorporate it into my behavior. Fittingly, this year’s word is resilient, the ability to recover quickly from a trying or upsetting situation.

I chose this word when I thought that I had missed the deadline to register for the psychology GRE, which would have made me unable to complete my applications. In that moment, I thought of giving up on applying, and I curled up and cried myself to sleep. After a day of self-pity, I realized that I had to keep going. That it was unacceptably ironic that I, as someone who wants to help people overcome their traumas and post-traumatic stress disorder, would be fragile enough to be broken by a deadline and application process. I needed to cultivate the one trait in me that I am going to ask other people to grow in themselves.

So, it’s not the fairy tale ending that I had penciled into my fictional finalism, and it means that I now need to write in finding a job, which will happen in due time. However, though disappointing, it is a fitting ending to the grad school saga, part 1.

And I’m all the more resilient because of it. 🙂

Blemishes, Cherokee, and Symposium Day

This week has been amazing.

Last week, something was wrong with my face–it decided to relive being 16, and had this giant . . . (to be euphemistic) blemish beneath my right eye. What started as being an unsightly first world problem quickly became painful, more unsightly, and a hindrance to opening my right eye fully. I went to the doctor and got a cortisone shot and antibiotics, and a few days later, it went mostly away. Hallelujah! Future Justin, I hope that your skin never gets nostalgic for high school, as it was not an attractive time.

However, Mom said that the . . . blemish . . . was probably due to stress, so to destress me (which I was not stressed, for the record), she took Janet and me up to Cherokee, NC for the weekend! We had such a fun time. As we pulled into the hotel, it said that there was a drag show competition, so I joked that “my people” were here. Then, out of the blue, my mom said, “Hey, maybe you could find a hook up.” I have no clue if she meant it sexually, but I awkwardly just laughed and was confused. I will never be prepared for any odd sexual references from my parents. And, for the record, I neither sought out nor found a hook up.

However, I did win $70 at the slots! Unfortunately for Janet, she couldn’t play, as she’s still a 20 year old baby. She WAS, however, old enough to play Bingo, and it was very fun–even though we didn’t win and had to sit in the smoking section.

Then, on Monday, I found out that I won’t be able to be considered for the resident’s life coordinator position, and for a while, that scared me. That was my plan B, and if Minnesota doesn’t work out, I really have no clue what I’m going to do. Though that’s usually exciting, it was so anxiety provoking that day. Being on their waiting list, it means that my next year is largely contingent on what someone else wants to do with theirs. Also, it was just a momentary fear that, though I feel as if I am a very capable individual, I know that I cannot be successful if I am not given the opportunity to demonstrate my diligence. Whenever I get rejected from something, I think of sophomore year when I applied to be an RA. I was so confident–maybe even arrogant–that I got it and would do a great job that I was devastated when I found out that I wasn’t even considered as an alternate. Of course, everything worked out in the end, and I got it the next year. Still, now I am always afraid about ever feeling too confident about something. It hurts to be so starkly proven wrong.

But, Monday was not like the RA position. It was just a reminder that I have to be open to whatever opportunities that I get, one of which is still being admitted to the University of Minnesota.

And then there was Tuesday. Symposium day. It was absolutely perfect.

It started with our meeting of the majors, and I love meeting with the psychology faculty. We didn’t talk about anything particularly interesting, but there were so many people there this year! I just love it!

Then, there was the psychology and law debates. My team debated that indeterminate sentencing was better than determinate, and I loved the debate! I felt as if both of our teams were so evenly matched–whoever wins (we find out tomorrow), it was so good! It was especially nice to watch my resident from last year, Betsy, go against me. Though I was her RA, I had no clue that she was such a persuasive debater–it made the Mama J side of me smile (and, at the time, shake in my boots). In addition to our debate, Janet totally rocked her debate as well. This lady is a persuasive force to be reckoned with when she’s armed with a podium.

After that, I watched the psychology honor thesis presentations, and I was so astonished by them. It was clear how Cassie, Brittany, and Livia’s research abilities were so beyond mine, and it was very inspiring. If I have one thing that I could redo with my OU experience, I would have known that I wanted to study PTSD a year earlier and would have stayed in the honors program–watching their presentations highlighted how invaluable their experience in the program must have been.

Then, I presented my poem, “Certain People,” at the Core poetry slam. It was so nice to see so many students there–even if half were required to be there. I enjoyed hearing all of the poems and getting to present mine.

After the poem, I presented my group’s Theories of Personality project along with Jessica. It was so nice to present with her because we had debated against each other in the psychology and law debates. It was much nicer being on her side than against her! As for the project, I am so proud of it! I definitely see how I wish that I knew more about statistics, as the analysis was very simplistic in comparison to the honors projects. Nonetheless, I liked how we studied PTSD treatment preference and how I knew a lot of background material.

And then there was the honors and awards ceremony. I got two awards, and I was so, so, so happy!

The first one was the Mary Whiton Calkins award for being an outstanding psychology student. Ever since freshmen year, I’ve wanted this award, and I was ebullient when they called Cassie and my name for it. When they called Brittany’s name for the Margaret Washburn award, it was perfect. I really feel as if the three of us genuinely deserved the awards, and it was so nice to have our little psych. trio recognized.

And then Clair and I got the Algernon Sydney Sullivan award! Receiving it was such an honor because Clair and I even received a reception afterwards and got to talk with President Schall, some people from the selection committee, and the Sullivan board members. It was especially nice because my parents came up, and while I was talking with other people, Janet said that they were beaming. After the reception, we went out to eat, and it was nice to be able to thank my parents, especially Dad, for everything that they did that allowed me to get this award. Both of my parents planned so much of their lives around my brother’s and my future. They waited so long to have kids, so they could financially make our dreams a reality. They made sure to always have access to healthcare, food, and stellar education. My childhood wasn’t perfect (whose is?), but my parents always made sure that I would be able to be successful if I put in the effort on my part. And then for college, Dad made up the difference to pay for my education at Oglethorpe. If he hadn’t done that, then I’m sure that I would have found a way to scrape by, but I would never have been able to study like I did, participate in clubs like I did, or do anything to the same extent. I will always be indebted to his generosity and foresight.

In short, yesterday was a day of pride and gratitude, and it was the perfect conclusion to a stellar and blessed college experience.

Being comfortable on the edge of glory

This exact version of “The Edge of Glory” makes me think of my mom and Janet. During Thanksgiving break, my mom was upstairs getting ready to watch the “Very Gaga Gaga Thanksgiving” special. She asked if Janet and I wanted to watch. To which, I simply remarked from the basement that I was working on a paper for educational psychology and couldn’t come up.

My mom–though she denied it–sounded disappointed. I felt guilty. I’m bad about taking breaks from work–I’m even worse if there’s an unexpected interruption. I’m proud to say that I calmed my panic (the “but I HAVE to finish this paper NOW–you don’t deserve a break just yet” panic), and I watched the special with my mom and Janet.

And, when I returned, the paper was still there, and I had a fresh perspective. This song represents taking a break and how rewarding it can be–and the memories that can be lost if you never do. Even when I’m on the edge of glory, it’s nice to just stop for a minute. Calm the panic, relax the tension, and just share the moment with other people.

I never go too crazy and give myself excessive breaks, so I don’t know why I always get anxious that this time will be the time that I have finally given myself too much latitude. It’s weird how, in a specific moment, even the smallest things seem to matter so much. But, when separated by even 2 minutes, they don’t matter anymore. It doesn’t matter if I bring up that one argument, if I take a 3 minute break, if I get slightly inconvenienced or interrupted.

For right now, I need to relax and just be comfortable where I am on this abstract edge of glory. Inconveniences will happen, and friends will occasionally diminish my productivity. However, tomorrow, I can–and will–resume work, as it isn’t going anywhere. And, more than that, I need to listen to myself that I have never and will never neglect it to the point of being irresponsible. I can take a break and share it with others without dreading the consequence of not dedicating those small but important moments to work.

Iswis

Today was a tumultuous but wonderful day with my friend Amber. It’s so weird that I’ve known her for over 10 years. Lately, Amber’s been going through a tough time, and I am happy to be here with her. We spent a part of today talking about one of my personal philosophies: it is what it is (from here referred to as Iswis).

To explain Iswis, I’ll use the example that I used when telling it to Amber. It’s from when I was in high school and in a relationship: “I thought that a guy other than my boyfriend is attractive–I must be a horrible, lustful boyfriend!”

Here, there’s a fact–finding other guys attractive–and what that fact seems to imply–being a horrible boyfriend. With an Iswis philosophy, that implication is unnecessary.

With Iswis, only the facts are considered and implications are usually ignored. The facts cannot be debated, but what they may or may not imply can be debated ad nauseam. And it’s in that debate that I noticed myself tearing me apart. I’m a horrible boyfriend. If I found him attractive, then I’m just a short step from cheating on him. If I find other men attractive, then does that mean that I love them? Does it mean that I don’t love my boyfriend? And the pointed questions and inner debate continued until I was drained.

And yet, my endless mental acrobatics made the situation no better. It didn’t address me finding other guys attractive. It didn’t help my relationship. I got so lost in my thoughts’ potential implications that I no longer was trying to understand the original action but trying to safeguard my self-worth from my unrelenting inner interrogation. Despite my efforts to protect my self-esteem, my safeguard was flimsy and the guilt vicious and unmerciful.

Furthermore, my implications tended to have value attached to them. Here, it was that I was a horrible boyfriend. My self-worth just diminished, so to counteract this drop in my goodness, I would, of course, have to do something to make me a good boyfriend. I would take him on a date, tell him how much I love him, watch the movie that he wanted–anything that a good boyfriend would do. The funny thing is that none of these actions ever addressed the initial “problem”–saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t make Jake Gyllenhaal or the popular guy in your 6th period class any less attractive. I no longer cared about the facts just my inner implications.

And as I said, these implications made nothing better. My boyfriend and I just got into endless debates because we could not agree on our implications. Of course, neither of us viewed our implications as implications; to both of us, our implications were undebatable truths. If we didn’t think that our implications were Truth, then they wouldn’t have had as much weight in the first place. In the end, it would have been so much easier if we just acknowledged the problem and not the emotionally-loaded implications. I think more tears were shed over me feeling like a horrible boyfriend instead of finding other men attractive.

However, Iswis encourages abandoning those implications, which are likely incorrect in the first place. A thought or behavior needs no extra weight added: just look at it as it is and go from there. So looking at this example in an Iswis way would like this:

“I find guys other than my boyfriend attractive, and it makes me feel like a horrible boyfriend.”

With the addition of that one little word, there is no longer a debate. Now, I acknowledged that it’s just a feeling, not some great truth. Iswis still encourages people to acknowledge their feelings, but to now that they are only feelings, nothing bigger. Something can feel true without actually being true.

Iswis also strips away judgment. Actions are no longer inextricably linked with some value–checking out other men is not “bad” nor “good.” Without the emotionally loaded judgment, solutions, if necessary, can be sought because now people focus on potential solutions, not weighty implications. The situation just is what it is. To me, Iswis liberates me from invisible, draining, and usually incorrect “Truths.”

Instead of inefficiently reading into everything, just accept events and actions as they are. Even without a deeper meaning, life is as marvelous and complex as it is.

The Justin of Tomorrow

Not much happened today, so I’m going to use this lull to write directly to future Justin. This post is about what I hope that you have accomplished. Of course, I acknowledge that some of these things may no longer matter if, and hopefully when, I reread these posts in 10 years. I think that makes it more important; that way, I’ll be able to see how much my thinking has changed.
Future Justin, I want you to:

-be financially stable and responsible. There’s little point in many of the frivolous things that you buy, and I hope that you are better about resisting silly purchases.

-be generous. Your desire for financial stability should not override helping others in need and showing hospitality.

-be better about expressing your genuine thanks. I also want you to be better about writing thank you cards.

-eat better. As of now, you eat way too much fast food and junk food. You need to respect your health more.

-exercise at least 3 times a week. It’s something that you love and know is good for your body. Don’t cut it out when you get busy!

-be attractive. This one is completely vain, but I hope that you find ways to keep from balding, sagging, and gaining weight. Or, if it has to happen, that it doesn’t happen before 2040.

-be successful. I want you to keep working hard; don’t ever lose your diligence.

-be humble. Remember where you came from. That is, remember that you were fortunate enough to come from a stable, affluent family, had good health, and lived in a community that accepted your sexuality. You work hard, but your success is not all your own. You’ve been as lucky as you have been diligent, so do not attribute all of your success to some innate awesomeness.

-be less irritable. This year, you’ve been more irritable than ever, so I hope that this isn’t a trend. Chill out.

-not start drinking without a good reason. As of now, you have a laundry list of reasons why you shouldn’t, so if you revise your stance, I hope that it wasn’t because of a sudden whim.

-have fun. I hope that you still like Pokémon or video games or something that is mindless enjoyment. Don’t be too intense. Remember, according to Adler, it’s a sign of neuroticism to take your fictional finalism too seriously. He could be wrong, but it’s a sentiment that helped you when you were applying to grad schools. There’s no destination that you need to reach.

-keep your living space and office clean. You’re a slob as of now.

-keep your confidence. As of your senior year at Oglethorpe, you felt that, as long as you work hard and treat others well, you could accomplish anything that you view relevant. Please keep persevering.

-dance. It’s so fun and spontaneous! Keep doing it.

-not lose your love of people. They’re wonderful and complex, and at the end of the day, you love them, in spite of their flaws.

-cultivate wonderful long-term relationships and spend time with those important people. There’s more to life than working.

-avoid becoming bitter if bad things happen to you. Remember, if bad things happen and you start asking, “why me?” just ask yourself “why not me?” You’re not immune to bad things, and I hope that meet tragedies with an external loving support system and an internal sense of optimistic resiliency

-find this blog.

The Final (Psychology) Paper!

For the pokemon ignorant, this surprised critter’s name is Simisage. To Janet, he’s “the General.”

 The above picture has no bearing on my post. It just cracked me up that Janet thought that its name was the General.

Today was a productive but bland day. I participated in three Advanced Experimental experiments, and I worked with part of my team on our debate for Psychology and Law. Also, I finished my last psychology paper of my undergraduate career today! Or, I will be finished after I revise it in the next 30 minutes. As much as I would love to say that this paper is a culmination of my undergraduate training, it’s disappointingly just okay. I thought that the paper was due Thursday, not Tuesday, so that, and probably some senioritis, account for its less than stellar quality. That’s a good enough rationalization to fight off any nagging cognitive dissonance about my work ethic, right?

Other than that paper, I’ve just been thinking about how nice it is when someone is eager to love you. Not only is the feeling there but the drive to seek out ways to express it keeps deepening the feeling. It’s at odd moments like this when I miss being in a relationship. Of course, you can have deep loves in friendships, but there is something enticing about experiencing in an all consuming romantic love. However, the thought of an all consuming romantic love is much more appealing in my mind and in Moulin Rouge than it is in practice. As I get older, I realize how much I value practicality, stability, and logic. My emotions are a beautiful personal touch to my life, but it’s nerve-wrecking to think about letting them and their whims dictate my life.

Will my emotions get the best of me? Will the guide me to best in me? Who knows! As of right now, I’m content that my entire day was devoted to psychology and that Janet has the most ridiculous names for pokemon.